im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
