I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
