i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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