Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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