I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
