dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
