I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
