whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
