Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize