I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
