this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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