Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
