Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We got so high we made milksteak
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There's always time for handjobs
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
