i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
