I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
