Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize