haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
