I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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