I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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