I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
