david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
