Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
