you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
