So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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