In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
