There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Too much gin, very little bucket
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
