Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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