I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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