currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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