Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
