areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
