Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So. Much. Porn.
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