And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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