If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
