There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
