On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
