If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
