My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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