I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
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