omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
