I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
