I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
