Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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