so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
