i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize