I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just high enough for therapy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
