Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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