i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
