Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
