Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
