i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
