I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
