ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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