So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
