wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
