im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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