I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
