her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are two peas in an std pod
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
