It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
