I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
