I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
