My hand turned me down
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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