I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
