Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
