It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
