He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
