HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
