I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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