How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Rumble strips road head = magical
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
